The Renewal Times
May, 2008.ISSN 1705-3773 The Renewal Times
The Renewal Times is a publication of Renewal Technologies Inc. and is edited by Roger Ellerton.
This newsletter may be republished without permission, provided it is reproduced in its entirety and provided copyright is acknowledged. To reproduce sections of the newsletter, please contact Renewal Technologies Inc. at info@renewal.ca.
Please forward this newsletter to friends and colleagues. To become a subscriber or to view previous editions of this newsletter, please visit www.renewal.ca/newsletter.htm.
Please note: The material in this newsletter is presented for information only. It is not a substitute for medical, psychological or professional advice. Please consult a qualified professional.
Included in this newsletter:
- Thought for the day
- Health Notes
- Upcoming Seminars
- Feature Article
- Humour
- More Information
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Thought for the Day
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Failure is often the line of least persistence.
Zig Ziglar
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Health Notes
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Walking Can Keep You Fit and Dry
Walking for 30 minutes a day, every day can reduce your risk of urinary incontinence (if you're a woman) by up to 25 percent. Walking tones not only leg muscles but also pelvic-floor muscles. These muscles help keep urine in the bladder between trips to the bathroom -- in both men and women.
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When it comes to onions, think stinky
Bitter, strong, pungent onions tend to have more cancer-fighting compounds than milder, sweeter bulbs.
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Curious About NLP?
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Discover what's holding you back. Get the results you desire.
My book Live Your Dreams Let Reality Catch Up: NLP and Common Sense for Coaches, Managers and You was written with the following audiences in mind:
- Those who have heard about NLP and wish to learn more.
- Those who are looking for more in life.
- Coaches, members of the helping professions or managers who are looking for new ways and techniques to work with and assist their clients or staff.
- Those who are about to take an NLP seminar and would like to have a solid grounding before beginning.
- Those who have studied NLP and are looking for a basic NLP reference book.
. . . upbeat and positive-minded, offering step-by-step instructions to focus one's thoughts in the right direction. An excellent and easy-to-use self-help resource. Midwest Book Review, midwestbookreview.com
Available from
Amazon.com
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Looking for featured authors such as Anthony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Dr. Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer and others? You can find them at Nightingale Conant.
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Upcoming Seminars / Workshops
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We are pleased to offer the following public workshops/seminars in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada:
Introductory NLP Evening
June 17, 2008 7:00pm - 9:00pm
Please come as our guest. Invite a friend to come with you. Registration is required so that we can reserve a seat for you. E-mail your name and the number of people attending to info@renewal.ca. For more information, please see www.renewal.ca/freeseminar.htm.
During this event, we will have a book signing for Live Your Dreams Let Reality Catch Up: NLP and Common Sense for Coaches, Managers and You and offer you a special discounted price.
NLP Practitioner Training
Seven consecutive days: July 7 - 13, 2008.
NLP Master Practitioner Training
Four weekends: March 28 - 30, April 18 - 20, May 23 - 25, May 30, 31, June 1, 2008.
Get More Out of Life
A program designed to help you get more out of life through discovering who you are at many levels -- your place in the world, your mission in life -- and to inspire you to take action to pursue your mission with passion and joy in a way that is respectful of others.
September 13, 2008. Discover Yourself -- Find Out What's Holding You Back
Going Beyond the Limits of Traditional Coaching
Discover why goals don't work and experience what does! Learn the nuances in the NLP coaching model for resolving the most common, challenging coaching issues such as procrastination, values conflicts and life transition issues. Presented by NLP trainer John Overdurf.
October 17 - 19, 2008.
For our most recent schedule and a description of these workshops/seminars, please visit www.renewal.ca/neurolinguistic.htm
Click on the following link for the location of our NLP Training Centre in Ottawa (Stittsville), Ontario, Canada.
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Feature Article
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This article may be reproduced, provided it is reproduced in full, including author bio and a reference to Renewal Technologies' website (www.renewal.ca).
Providing Feedback
By Roger Ellerton Phd, ISP, CMC, Renewal Technologies Inc. www.renewal.ca
Providing and receiving feedback, whether it is asked for or not, is a regular feature of interacting with others. We generously provide our opinions to others in the hope that they will change their thoughts or behaviours in some way. That is, in a way that we believe will be of benefit to them or us.
But do they really hear what we are saying? Are we presenting our feedback in a way that the other person is open to receiving or at least considering?
There are many different approaches to providing feedback. At one end of the spectrum are those who never compliment you on what you have done well, but only offer feedback when there is something that needs correcting. If you have been subject to this type of feedback, you know that after awhile you begin tuning out these types of people and even avoid engaging them in any meaningful conversation. At the other end of the spectrum are those who sugar coat the feedback to such a degree that you are not really sure of the point they are trying to make.
Generally providers of feedback are well intentioned. The problem is that the delivery mechanism used may not be the most appropriate.
So how can you provide feedback? I believe there needs to be some balance - let people or teams know what they are doing well and hence should do more of and also let them know where there is room for improvement.
Feedback Sandwich
A popular form of feedback is the feedback sandwich. Simply, what this means is you sandwich any feedback that may be interpreted in some way as negative between positive comments. When done appropriately, this can provide a nice balance between those things the person/team has done well and those areas where the feedback provider believes the person/team could improve.
The feedback sandwich does have its drawbacks:
- Metaphorically, this approach is often viewed as a bun (the positive feedback) and the meat (the negative or constructive feedback). This is unfortunate, as the 'meat' of the matter may actually be about how the other person has done something particularly well. That is, the 'meat' does not have to be negative.
- The positive feedback may be very thin and the recipient perceives this as a veiled attempt to only criticize.
- The feedback provider, either because they do not have confidence in what they wish to say or not wanting to upset the recipient, may place too much emphasis on the positive feedback and provide little 'meat' or direction for improvement.
- Knowing that the feedback will include both positive and negative points, the recipient may wonder how relevant all of the feedback is. That is, were some points introduced or was unwarranted emphasis placed on one or more points simply to provide more of a balance?
The feedback sandwich is a good place to start and the question is: How can we improve it?
Know the Context
Sometimes, in our attempt to be helpful, we provide feedback without knowing the context or purpose.
For example, suppose I build a low, sleek, high-powered car with only a driver's seat. Without knowing the context, you may criticize it as not being much of a family car. However, if the context (my intention) was to develop a revolutionary racing car, your feedback is off topic and not of use to me.
Before providing feedback, determine the context/purpose.
Focus on Improvement Rather than Criticism
Far too often, feedback comes across as criticism. To overcome this, identify the issue and then make suggestions on what the person can do differently next time to improve on what they are already doing well or to avoid potential difficulties.
Avoid Getting Caught-Up in the Rules
We have rules for everything; sometimes they are written down and sometimes just assumed. There are always exceptions to the rules. Before providing feedback, check to see if the rule really applies in this situation.
I remember receiving feedback from a colleague on a presentation that I delivered. He pointed out that during my presentation I had turned my back on the audience in order to adjust a flipchart. He went on to say that according to a well-respected public speaking organization, turning your back to the audience is something that you just do not do - generally a good rule. I followed up with the feedback provider and found that my actions in no way diminished his enjoyment of my presentation, that not to adjust the flipchart may have resulted in problems later during my presentation. It was all a matter that there is this rule and I violated it.
Use NLP's Logical Levels as a Guide
NLP's logical levels can be used as a guide for presenting your feedback. You may choose to focus on:
- Environment - where, when and with whom. That is, the person may have chosen an inappropriate (or great) location, time or group of people.
- Behaviour. What specifically did they do or not do?
- Strategies/Capabilities. You may wish to comment on their approach (strategy) or maybe a capability/skill they demonstrated or failed to demonstrate.
- Beliefs/Values. Unless the person actually stated their beliefs and values, it is difficult to provide feedback at the Beliefs/Values level. You can however ask questions about their beliefs and values and then provide feedback on this information.
- Identity. At this level, you are best advised to avoid any negative feedback, e.g. You are incompetent. Rather comment on the behaviours that led you to this conclusion.
- Spirituality/Purpose. Here you may wish to ask questions about the purpose of his/her actions and the connection to a larger system.
Speak What is True for You
Speak from the heart and talk about the impact of the person's actions on you. For example, when you did X, I felt Y. Feedback recipients can argue about the impact of their actions on others, however they can not dispute the impact their actions had on you.
Be Clear as to Your Purpose
When giving feedback ask yourself, "For what purpose I am providing this feedback?" If it is to prove you know more than someone else, to bring another person down to your level or it seems to be the thing to do; then maybe you should reconsider and explore what you can do to move yourself forward.
Sometimes your purpose is honourable and appropriate, yet your feedback is focused on the recipient performing a specific behaviour. A behaviour that you may find easy to do, but the recipient may feel this is too prescriptive or not feasible or not acceptable. In this situation, it may be more appropriate to raise the issue and then volunteer to work with the other person to explore ways that this issue can be addressed.
Ensure the Recipient is Open to Receiving Feedback
Before giving feedback, make sure you have been invited to do so or ask the person if they would appreciate receiving feedback. If the answer is no, then move on to something else. Providing feedback when it is not asked for or appreciated is simply a waste of time. It may satisfy a short-term need you have and it may not build a healthy, mutually supportive relationship with the other person.
Author: Roger Ellerton PhD, CMC is a certified NLP trainer, coach, certified management consultant and
the founder and managing partner of Renewal Technologies. He is the author of the book Live Your Dreams Let Reality Catch Up: NLP and Common Sense for Coaches, Managers and You. Available from
Amazon.com
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Humour
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Select Your Internet Domain Names Carefully!
Sometimes words grouped together can have different meanings.
Consider the website "Who Represents?" It provides a database to determine who (agent, manager or attorney) represents a specific actor and vice versa. The URL for this site is www.whorepresents.com.
Or what about the website that helps you find a therapist in California. Its URL is www.therapistfinder.com.
Feel sorry for the person who sells pens and decides to call his company Pen Island. Its URL would be wwww.penisland.com.
Finally, what if you decided to start a business to help people find experts and called it Experts Exchange. Then the URL would be www.expertsexchange.com.
If you know of other URLs, please send them to me and I will post in the next newsletter.
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More Information
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For more information, please visit our website or contact us at 613 692-1424 or info@renewal.ca
Copyright © 2008, Renewal Technologies Inc. All rights reserved.
Renewal Technologies Inc.
5423 North Drive
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada K4M 1G5
www.renewal.ca
info@renewal.ca
(613) 692-1424
